Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw