I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
we made out on top of his cat.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
