I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival