guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈