i need an iv and a liver transplant
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
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Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
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And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.