I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
