I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
