I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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