so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
