Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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