drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
