I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
