im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
