Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
