I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
