I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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