she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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