I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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