I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
