Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
