im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
