nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
