She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
