Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize