Im at strip club and am horny
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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