Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
