They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
