I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
