her facebook's as public as her vagina
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You were trust falling into bushes
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
