I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
