Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
