So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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