Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
