She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
