Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
