2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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