May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
