you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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