somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
