so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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