Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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