So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
