sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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