you're like a bully in the Christmas story
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize