the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
