Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
