We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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