also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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