you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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