So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
