I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
