I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
