she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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