forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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