I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
