At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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