Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
