I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just threw up on my dentist
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
How does it feel to date your dad?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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