some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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