and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
