Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize