she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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