fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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