So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
