No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
