Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
