ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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