Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My brain says no but my pants say off.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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