he wants to bone in the snuggie
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
