I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
