you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
