You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize