is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
