They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
