idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My breasts were aching with rage.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
