The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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