Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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