I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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