quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Randomize
