ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
