I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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