I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
