just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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